Parenting can feel like an impossible challenge, and you may feel that you’ve run out of patience and understanding for your child. The emotional pain that you’re experiencing can cause you to start looking into “giving your child up” to the state, especially if you have an older child that you’re unable to take care of anymore. We want to reassure you what you’re experiencing is completely normal, and it doesn’t make you a bad parent. Choosing adoption is not “giving up” on your child; instead, you are seeking help and trying to make a positive plan for your child’s future out of love.

If you’re unsure if parenting is the right option for you, or if you’re not sure if parenting brings you joy anymore, it’s time to get help. Adoption specialists have heard this situation many times before and would be happy to help.

Are You Sure Adoption is the Right Choice?

Parenting is the hardest life-long career that you can choose; there’s no doubt about that. Being under a mountain of stress can cause you to think, “I don’t want my child anymore. Can child welfare come and get them?” You’re not alone in asking this question. Many parents have felt the way you do now and have searched for this question more times than we can count.

Do you feel like the problems are just stacking on top of one another and you can’t keep up? Do you feel like you’re the only one raising your child and you have no help providing for them or yourself? It’s important that you take the time to uncover your feelings in order to understand where these thoughts are coming from. You may find that you are dealing with the typical stressors every parent faces and that these feelings will eventually pass. Or, you may determine that these feelings point to a bigger issue, and that it may be time to consider adoption for your child.

An adoption professional might not be able provide the answers to these questions for you, but they can help point you in the right direction. If you need to find counseling as you’re looking into giving your child to the state, adoption specialists are always readily available. Whether you’re considering infant adoption or placing your older child for adoption, you can always reach out for more information.

Can You Give Up Your Child to the State?

There are many reasons why a woman might be considering adoption for her older child instead of parenting. Your stress can cause you to ask, “How can I go about giving a child up to CPS? What options do I have?”

The answer to this question is more complicated than you may think, and it can vary based on your state’s laws and resources. In general, children enter state custody when they are involuntarily removed from their parents’ care due to abuse, neglect or another dangerous situation. In many cases, state foster care systems are already overwhelmed trying to care for the children in these circumstances, which means they do not have the resources or space needed to take a voluntary placement.

However, giving up your child to the state may still be possible in some circumstances. Here are some ways that you may be able to voluntarily place your child in state care:

  • One way to place a child through foster care is through voluntary relinquishment. This is also called Refusal to Assume Parental responsibility. However, as we mentioned before, this option is not always available, and even if it is, it may end up creating a complicated situation. Often when families choose to peruse a voluntary relinquishment, it’s a cry for help and is used as a last resort for their child.
  • Another alternative to “giving a child up” to the state is with a temporary guardianship agreement. This way, you can place your child with a close friend or family member temporarily while you make changes in your own life to make parenting a possibility again. You won’t have to worry about your child finding a new forever home, and you’ll still be able to maintain a connection with your child while you work toward resuming your parenting responsibilities.
  • If you are a foster family looking for a break, there is an option depending on your state. Respite foster care will make sure that your foster children are taken care of by another foster family temporarily. This service is sometimes also available to biological parents who need it, depending on your state, so you’ll just want to make sure ahead of time.

Contact your state’s Department of Social Services to find out what options are available in your area and how to give up your child to the state in your specific circumstances. If you just need a temporary break from your child, they may be able to connect you with resources like state-provided respite care and offer the assistance you need to be the most successful parent you can be.

On the other hand, if you know that parenting is not right for you and you’re looking for a more permanent solution for your child, you may have other options — like placing them for adoption through a private agency.

Benefits of Working With an Adoption Agency

Giving up a child to the state may seem like your only option if you’re no longer able to parent your child. However, working with a private adoption agency may actually be more feasible — and it will give you a greater deal of control over the process. There are quite a few great benefits of choosing an adoption agency over working with CPS. Here are some of the great benefits to working with an infant adoption agency:

  • You get to choose the adoptive family for your child. This means that you’ll be able to choose the perfect parents based on characteristics like their age, gender, occupation, and more
  • You can receive financial assistance during and sometimes after your pregnancy
  • Legal representation will be provided to you for free by the adoption agency
  • You gain 24/7 access to counseling and educational resources
  • You have complete say in the adoption process from beginning to end
  • You get the ability to choose an open adoption if you want to remain in your child’s life long after the adoption
  • And so much more!

If you’re considering giving your child up to the state, a private adoption may be the better option for yourself and your baby. When you choose to complete an adoption through a private agency, you’ll have more control over the process, unlike in a foster care adoption. You’ll also know that your child is in a safe and loving home, so you won’t have to worry about them finding their forever home through foster care. You’ll be the one making sure they already have one.

Can I Place an Older Child Through an Infant Adoption Agency?

For all voluntary relinquishment questions, the best place to start is by talking to an adoption professional to see what options are available. Some private adoption agencies will accept children up to 3 or 4 years old, while certain specialized agencies may be able to assist with the placement of older children.

If you’re interested in giving up a child to the state, we highly recommend that you look into private adoption with an agency first. With this option, you will be able to make sure your child is provided a safe and loving home with one of many waiting adoptive families. This way, you won’t have to worry that they’re taken care of. You can reach out to an adoption specialist at any time if you’re ready to make an adoption plan, or if you’d just like to receive free information.